Remember

My name is Sam Rho.
I am about to graduate from the University of Southern California with a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering. And I've never been more afraid in my life.
I've picked up a minor in Business Administration along the way and for whatever reason, I felt that God was calling me to pick up medicine in the summer of 2016. After attending a GMMA conference, I figured that I would no longer feel any passion for medicine, but I instead felt more challenged to beat out these fools in premed. I despised that they felt that they were better than any other student and felt that they needed to be humbled. One step at a time.
And so I picked up the freshman premed classes. LIKE A FREAKIN' FOOL. Because I picked them up when I was about to be the busiest engineer in my entire career. I sacrificed sleep for engineering in Fall 2016. Never before had I had to do that, but the projects in EE were merciless and required me to sacrifice sleep for an acceptable grade.
By the grace of God, my grades weren't entirely unacceptable and I ended up only losing 0.04 points on my GPA. In the context of premed, this would have been killer, but I was honestly only taking these classes to show that even an engineer could do what they could do. Only the best of the best were above me, basically.
But then GMMA interrupted me again. Medical missions opened my eyes to how much the world was in need of missionaries and how easy it was to serve as a missionary when you studied medicine.

The issue: I had already determined that God had called me to be a sender. It wouldn't make sense for God to already change that calling before I'd had a chance to send. Would it?

Resolution: There still isn't one. I'm now stuck on this path between engineering and medicine and I have no idea which path I have to go on or if I have to go down some middle path that I have to make on my own. Meanwhile, I keep forgetting to pray, like an idiot, and I'm now trying to look to people in this world to give me guidance that I honestly know will only come from God. Because what fool tries to be a doctor with as low of a GPA as me? Or as little experience as me?
There's already been an electrical engineer who pursued medicine and he was the valedictorian for USC a few years back. I don't know what I'm trying to prove anymore. I get this feeling that I'm just dumb.

HERE I AM. SEND ME. If I'm called to be a goer, by golly I'll go. If I'm called to be a sender, I'll send. IF I'M NOT CALLED TO BE A DOCTOR, PLEASE... JUST TELL ME. I KEEP KILLING MYSELF TO TRY AND DO WELL IN THESE CLASSES WITHOUT THE MOTIVATION THAT THE OTHER PREMEDS HAVE.

-Sam Rho